I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
