Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
