She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
