we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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