Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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