When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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