Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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