I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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