take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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