so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
God, I missed his penis.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
