I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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