My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
