AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
