Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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