OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
