Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
