I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
