This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You've changed since you got that strap on
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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