he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
