Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
