no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I could make wine with my vomit
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
