He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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