True but thats because hes a fetus.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
