Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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