look no pants
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
