I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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