im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
