my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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