the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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