Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
