But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
