Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
