im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
