Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
