You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
