Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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