The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
