Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
