I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
