May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
