Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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