There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
