I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
