I got chris browned last night
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
