The maid of honor just puked.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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