Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
