Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
