Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
