Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
