In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
