I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
